Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Happy birthday to Rj (oct. 5th)


ahh, well it's Rj's birthday today. (not quite sure if I should put this pic up for a few reasons, but oh well...it's a funny memory) Sandy and I threw a little get-together at her house today for Rj. We had pizza and Rj blew out his candles on his birthday cake. He's finally the big 20. It's been a long time since we've known each other. I really can't believe it. It seems like it was only yesterday when I first met this chinese looking, english speaking, can't understand a thing in tagalog filipino. =p

For some reason, I can't stop thinking about our friendship. Meaning, how long we've known each other. Also, for some reason, some of the "stuff" that we went through apprx. 2 years ago seems to linger in my head often today. Is it because it's his birthday? Is that the reason?

I keep asking myself why I even dare to allow the thoughts to enter. I mean not that it's a bad thing, but I vowed never to allow any of it to distract me and bring me to the point where I would crave for it again. I don't want to be drawn in. Am I being too ambiguous here? To state it plainly, I just want to avoid having those "feelings" again. I mean honestly, he knows my view points, my beliefs, my standards in relationships, and I'm sticking to them. Oh and not that he's persuing me or anything, like I said before, we're just friends.

Well, the thing is, during the get together, Sandy had invited Andres (her boyfriend, who is very nice and also a fellow USF bull!! =p), and well I sat there thinking, man they are soo cute together, and ang lambing nila...yadi yada..., and then I started feeling kind of lonely, kind of like I was missing something, or that I was craving to have something, or someone rather. I saw how Sandy and Andres were and I wanted to be like that with someone myself, and well, you guessed it, the only person that crossed my mind at that point was the birthday boy himself. GESSH! I started to think about how we used to be. Rj was different when we were "MU" or dating rather. He wasn't so quiet, he was more open, and well, he showed his emotions, his feelings, and it felt good to know that the feelings were reciprocated. It felt good to know that someone cared for me that way. And now that nothing like that is occuring, I feel like I am some sore loser, or maybe I'm not even what people call "girlfriend" material...beats me...I just started feeling that way today.

so yeah, I was missing Rj, even though he was there all along, but what I really mean is, I started to miss the past, the way Rj and I used to be and in all honesty, I shouldn't. I mean I'll end up hurting myself. It's like I allow my feelings to wonder off too far when it comes to things like these, and then when my feelings aren't reciprocated, I am the one who gets badly hurt. I tend to care for people deeply, no matter if it's a friendship, or more than friends. My emotions tend to run high sometimes. I mean I'm the type of girl who cries during movies, who cries when I see a dog or any animal dead on the side of the street. I don't know why. And this is why I can't allow my feelings to linger like that any longer. I even start wondering why I haven't been able to get a boyfriend after that, or why is it that no other males seem to persue me? then again I know the reason why...and I know that I can't think about that, and I can't ask why, because I should leave it to God to bring forth that person, that male who will sweep me off my feet at the right time, at the right season. It's just today was soo hard for me. Seeing Sandy and Andres together really made it worse, not that it's Sandy's fault or anything, or Andres, caz it's really all my fault for allowing my stinking feelings to enter. Gessh...for a girl, I seem to be wayy too emotional. Oh and I am not saying that I want to be with Rj at this point, or anyone for that matter, it's just I guess I miss feeling important in someone's life, well, in a relationship status kind of importance...you know what I mean...

I hope these "feelings" stop by tomorrow. I sure hope so. I know what I gotta do though. I sure do.

Ahh, now that I got that off my chest, maybe it's time for me to sleep...oh no..guess who is calling me right now...man, I thought he was sleeping already...oh well, I'm gonna pick up the phone and talk for a few, then hit the hay stack...ZzzzzZZzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzZZZZZZzzZZZzz.... Posted by Hello

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know ur not totally bummed out and that u were just venting-->but cheer up chum, don't be so glum! =P You KNOW you are one of the cheeriest, sweetest, smartest, most considerate, thoughtful young women we know and because of those and among other great qualities you possess are why you are soooo loved!!
It's so great that Sandy and Andres are doing well in their relationship and we can only just be happy for her! God has a plan for everything and all will fall into place at the right time. As long as you have your Faith in Him, you shouldn't feel sad, less happy, or less ideal. Don't doubt what he has planned for you, just trust Him! Love you!

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh btw, I posted that last comment as well as the last comment about 'sila ka taraga'.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Jet!!!
.
.
.
.
.
just kidding.....si Jesselle =P

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh btw, I posted that last comment as well as the last comment about 'sila ka taraga'.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Jet!!!
.
.
.
.
.
just kidding.....si Jesselle P

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the grounds that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're
amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have already been picked!

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the s**t out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


Jesselle

12:27 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home