Tuesday, March 15, 2005

This is of me and Rj's turtle Beakmin. Sandy says it's my baby...ehehe...anyhow, I just realized that I haven't finished what I was saying on my blog for the 11th of March. Well, that week was crazy. I had exams left and right. I mean of course it was like that because that was the week before Spring break, but now it's over, for right now at least. By the way, when I say horrible, it wasn't really bad, it was just horrible because I studied my butt off for those exams, and I didn't do so well. I guess I didn't study well enough actually. But it's ok, I learned my lesson, and I can't do anything about it now. I just gotta strive harder for the next exam. Also I realize I was saying something about Rj and I and how I have some faults as a girlfriend. My fault was that I wasn't being fair with Rj. I always got upset at him whenever I found out he couldn't come and spend time with me. Well, here's the deal. Rj has this friend from work. He's getting really close to him and it's only been like a month now, which is cool and all because he's gotta have friends too, but the problem is me. I'm not quite used to "sharing" my Rj. HEHEH..I'm a dork, but really here's what happened. There was a point where I rarely got to spend time with Rj. It was day after day after day that Rj and his friend hung out, day and night because they work together too. After work they would hang out, eat and watch the races up on Gandy at like 3 am Sunday morning. Which I don't like because Rj always complains about lack of sleep, but yet he still seems to find time to chill out till 3 am just to look at cars. Ok so cars are his passion, but there's a time for school, sleep, and fun. Watching races, and looking at cars till three a.m can be placed on the side and sleep and rest should come first, especially when church is in the following morning. So anyhow, that week I had voiced my thoughts with Rj because I got fed up with it. I actually told him that I felt his friend was more of a priority than I was. I felt that I was a second hand girlfriend, not something that he made a priority anymore because his friend became his life. He called him all the time, hung out with him all the time, and practically came over all the time.Sounds weird I know, but really, I saw a change within Rj, and i didn't like it. Well, I can't really go into detail with it caz then I'd sound like I was nagging, but I've come to realize my faults. I was being selfish. I should allow Rj to have fun with his friends. It cant always be me, me me...Byron has to be a part of the picture within Rj's life too. Byron acquires the same interrests that Rj has when it comes to cars and mods, but still, I seem to have an uneasy feeling when it comes to Byron. I know the bible says Love thy neighbor, as you love yourself, and I really got to work on that part when it comes to Byron. I need to pray that God softens my heart to accept him as my friend as well because Rj's friends has to be my friends too. I can't be enemies with them. I also realize that I should get to know Byron better as a person and not be so mean to him. Goodness, what does that say to him about me being a cHristian? Nothing good at all. I really need to work on that because I want to live a life with Christ's standards, and being selfish and disliking Byron is totally not what I should be doing. I want Rj to be happy, and I know I can't be this way, I certainly can not keep him all to myself. He needs his friend Byron. I need to accept him and get to know him better before I judge him. Well, that's the basis of it all. There's really more that I have to say, but that other stuff will remain in privacy between Rj and I. Just know world that things are better. I am still in the learning process, especially when it comes to this relatiionship thing because I've never had a serious relationship before, let alone be inlove with anyone. YEs world, I am in love, that's why I want to be the best girlfriend I could ever be with Rj...more to come later... Posted by Hello


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